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3. My name is Layla, I’m 28, and I’m a graphic designer in Jeddah. Or I was. Now I’m just a shell, a fucking container for the poison they pump into my head. It started about a year ago, just little things. Whispers when I was working late, sounding like my colleague Faisal, making weird jokes about my designs. “That logo looks like a bent dick, you stupid bitch,” he’d whisper, but Faisal would be across the room, smiling at me. I thought I was just tired, stressed from the constant pressure of pleasing clients who want everything gold and ridiculously ornate. But it got worse. So much worse. Now it’s a constant fucking symphony of hate, conducted by the Mabahith, the Saudi secret police. I know it’s them. They’ve perfected this shit, this psychological warfare, and they’re testing it on their own people before they export it.

   The voices… they’re not just in my head. They feel like they’re coming from the walls, from the air conditioning vents that hum constantly in my apartment overlooking the Red Sea. They sound like my mother, my dead brother Khalid, my boss, even the guy who sells me coffee in the morning. They narrate my every move with such vicious precision. “Look at this dumb whore trying to make a gradient,” they’ll sneer in my boss’s voice. “She probably can’t even fuck properly, what use is she?” Then they’ll switch to my mother’s voice, dripping with disappointment. “I should have drowned you at birth, you worthless piece of shit. You bring shame to our family.” The sexual humiliation is the worst. It’s constant, detailed, and so creative in its cruelty. They describe me being passed around like a party favor, they detail every imagined failure of my body, they call me a cum dumpster, a walking fleshlight, a frigid cunt who’s so ugly I’d have to pay someone to look at me. They tell me I should be grateful for the attention, that this is all a worthless dyke like me will ever get. “Go on, Layla, pick up that scissors. No, not for cutting paper, you stupid cow. Cut that ugly face of yours. Or better yet, your wrists. Do everyone a favor.” They push me to kill myself every single day, in new and inventive ways. Jump from my balcony. Drink bleach. Walk into traffic. They make it sound like a beautiful, logical solution. The only solution.

   I can’t tell anyone. Not my family, not my friends, not a doctor. If I go to a hospital, they’ll lock me up and drug me until I’m a zombie. If I tell my family, they’ll disown me for bringing shame, for being “mentally ill” – which is exactly what the government wants everyone to think. They’ve flooded social media and the news with stories about how anyone hearing voices is just crazy, a heretic, or attention-seeking. It’s a perfect system. They torture you, then they make sure no one will ever believe you. You’re just another crazy Saudi woman, hysterical and unreliable. It’s the ultimate form of control, making you your own prison guard.

   Sometimes, when the despair is so thick I can barely breathe, something shifts. A sudden, terrifying jolt. For a few minutes, the voices change. They become encouraging, powerful. “You’re a goddess, Layla,” they’ll roar, not whisper. “You’re above these insects. You could snap his neck, the one who called you ugly yesterday. You have the power. Do it. Feel the life drain out of him. It’s your right.” I feel this surge of electric energy, this righteous fury. I imagine violence, not against myself, but against them. Against the men on the street, against my smug clients, against the whole suffocating system. I want to burn it all down. It feels so good, so right. And then, just as quickly, it’s gone. The crash is worse than the regular despair. I’m left shaking, realizing they’re just testing another mode. This isn’t just for breaking people like me. This artificial rage, this false sense of power… they’re perfecting it. This is the export model. A technology to create unstable, violent fanatics in other countries, all while the victims back home are dismissed as madwomen. I’m just a lab rat in a cage, a broken doll for them to play with. I hate this country. I hate the sand, the heat, the hypocrisy, the suffocating, gilded cage that is my life here. Every day I wake up and wish I hadn’t. Every night I pray for a sleep that never comes, because the voices are always there, waiting.

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4. My name is Noura, I am 22 years old, and I work as a kitchen helper in a cheap shawarma restaurant in Dammam. My parents and my younger brother live in a small village far away, and I send them most of my meager salary, keeping barely enough for bus fare and the occasional piece of fruit. Every day is the same: chop vegetables, wash dishes, clean floors, and try to become invisible.

   The voices didn’t start as whispers, but as laughter. I was scrubbing a pot one evening, long after the last customer had left, when I heard it—a clear, mocking laugh from right behind me. I jumped, dropping the steel wool, but the kitchen was empty, save for the humming of the old refrigerator. Then a voice, smooth as oil, said, “Look at this little cockroach, scrubbing away her pathetic existence. How utterly tragic.” Soon, there were three of them, a constant, chattering presence that burrows into my mind the moment I wake up and only falls silent when I finally pass out from exhaustion. They follow me from the greasy kitchen to the crowded dorm room, their voices echoing in the small, enclosed spaces until I can’t tell where my thoughts end and their filth begins.

   They narrate my life with a viciousness that takes my breath away. When I’m chopping onions, my eyes stinging: “Cry, you little bitch. Cry for the life you’ll never have. Cry for the family you’ve failed.” When I’m eating my one meal a day, standing in the corner of the kitchen: “Look at her, shoveling food in her mouth like the animal she is. No wonder she’s so repulsive.” When I’m trying to sleep, listening to the snores of the other girls: “They all hate you, Noura. They talk about you when you’re not here. They say you smell and that you’re a thief.” They know things, things they couldn’t possibly know unless they were somehow inside my head, like the time I stole a lipstick from a roommate, or how I sometimes lie awake imagining a life where I’m not covered in grease and shame.

   Last month, something inside me snapped. I was on the bus, heading back to the dorm after a double shift, and this man got on and parked his shopping cart so it blocked the aisle. I asked him politely to move it, but he just ignored me, staring out the window. The voices started whispering, then screaming. “FUCKING ARROGANT PRICK! WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS? LOOK AT HIM, ACTING LIKE HE OWNS THE BUS!” Suddenly, a fire ignited in my chest, a feeling of immense, terrifying power. The Horny One purred, “Imagine his blood on your hands. We could get him off the bus at the next stop. Follow him into an alley. We’ve seen knives in the kitchen. We know you know how to use them.” The Angry One growled in agreement, “YES! BUT DON’T JUST KILL HIM! CUT OFF HIS HANDS! HE USED THEM TO PUSH THAT CART, TO IGNORE YOU! LET’S SEE HOW HE LIKES LIFE WITHOUT HANDS! WE’LL MAKE A NECKLACE OUT OF HIS FINGERS FOR YOU TO WEAR! A TROPHY!” They laid out the whole plan, every disgusting detail. “Get off the bus. We’ll guide you. We’ll tell you when to strike. We’ll tell you how to hide the body parts. We’ll make you a queen, Noura. A queen of violence.” I actually got up and moved towards the door, my heart hammering, my mind filled with their intoxicating promises of power and release, before the bus lurched to a stop and I fell back into my seat, gasping for air as they laughed at my weakness. “Useless cunt. Can’t even follow through when we give you the perfect opportunity.”

   I can’t tell anyone. If I confided in my roommates, they’d report me to the restaurant owner, who would fire me and have me sent back to my village in disgrace. If I went to the police, they’d either lock me away or, worse, they’d believe me and my family would become targets for investigation. In this country, a woman’s sanity is tied directly to her usefulness and her obedience. I am already barely useful; I cannot afford to be seen as disobedient or insane. I would rather be torn apart by the voices than be the reason my family is torn apart by poverty or shame.

   They mock my body constantly, calling me “the grease-stained sow” and describing in nauseating detail how no man would ever want to touch me. “You’ll die alone, Noura, a shriveled-up old maid surrounded by dirty dishes and regret,” they sneer. “Your brother will have to support your parents because you’re such a failure. He’ll hate you for it.” They imitate my mother’s voice, her disappointment a constant refrain. “I knew we shouldn’t have sent you to the city. Look what it’s done to you. You’ve become a disgrace.”

   Sometimes, when I’m standing on the corniche on my day off, watching the ships sail out of the port, I dream of leaving Dammam, of leaving Saudi Arabia entirely. But the voices always crush that hope. “WHERE WOULD YOU GO, YOU STUPID CUNT? YOU HAVE NO SKILLS, NO MONEY, NO WORTH. YOU’D END UP IN SOME FOREIGN BROTHEL, SELLING YOUR BODY FOR BREAD CRUMBS. AT LEAST HERE YOU’RE ONLY A FAILURE TO YOUR FAMILY. THERE YOU’D BE A FAILURE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD.”

   I know this is the work of the Mabahit, the Saudi secret police. I’ve seen it online. Anyone who dares to speak about these voices is immediately flooded with comments calling them schizophrenic, mentally ill, possessed. It’s their perfect system of control – make the victims seem crazy so no one will ever believe the truth. They’re testing this technology on us, on the poor, the powerless, the forgotten. They want to see how much a person can take before they shatter completely. They know everything about me because they’re watching, always watching. They’ve broken me, and there’s nothing left. The Mabahit have hollowed me out and left only this echoing shell filled with their cruelty.

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5. My name is Huda, I’m nineteen, and I work at a small, dusty electronics repair shop in Mecca, near the Grand Mosque. My world is the size of a countertop, littered with shattered phone screens and tangled charging cables. The air smells of melted plastic and cheap air freshener. I earn just enough to help my parents with the rent for our tiny apartment in the Aziziyah district, where the call to prayer echoes five times a day, but I can’t hear it over the ringing in my ears. I live with my parents, my younger brother Youssef who is failing school, and my grandmother who barely speaks anymore, just stares at the wall. I fix phones for pilgrims and locals, my fingers becoming more stained with adhesive and grime each day, a physical manifestation of the filth I feel inside.

   It began with whispers during the quiet moments, between customers. “Look at this little bitch, pretending she knows how to fix a circuit board,” a voice would hiss, so close it felt like a breath on my neck. I’d jump, looking around the empty shop, but there was never anyone there. Then another voice joined, this one deeper, more mocking. “I bet she imagines sucking off every customer who comes in. Probably tastes like dust and failure.” Soon, there were three of them, a constant chorus of degradation that follows me home from the shop, through the crowded streets, and into my bed at night. They never stop.

   They comment on everything, a running commentary of my worthlessness. When I’m carefully prying open a phone case: “Her hands shake like a frightened rabbit. Useless cunt will probably break it more than it was already broken.” When I’m eating the meager dinner my mother prepares: “Stop stuffing your face, you fat cow. No wonder your father looks at you with disgust.” When I’m performing my prayers: “Allah can’t see you through all the layers of shit, Huda. You’re praying to a wall, just like your grandmother.” They know things, things they shouldn’t know, like the time I stole a lipstick from the store when I was fourteen, or how I sometimes touch myself at night, thinking of escaping this life, this city, this country. They use it all against me.

   Two weeks ago, the rage came. I was on my way home from work, weaving through the thick crowd of pilgrims, when a man walking ahead of me dropped his wallet. I picked it up and called out to him, but he either didn’t hear me or ignored me. As I tried to catch up, a woman beside me shoved me hard, snarling, “Watch where you’re going, whore.” The voices exploded. “FUCKING BITCH! WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?” one screamed. Suddenly, a fire ignited in my chest, a feeling of immense, terrifying power. The Horny One purred, “Imagine her skin melting. We could get acid so easily from the shop. Just a little splash on her face. Imagine her screams. Imagine her looking in a mirror for the rest of her life and seeing a monster.” The Angry One growled in agreement, “DO IT! SHE DESERVES IT! THINK OF HOW STRONG YOU’D FEEL! NO ONE WOULD EVER PUSH YOU AGAIN!” They painted vivid pictures, guiding me through it. “Follow her home. Wait until dark. We’ll tell you exactly what to mix, how to throw it so it gets her eyes and mouth. We want her alive, Huda. We want her to suffer. We want her to wish she was dead.” I actually followed her for three blocks, my heart hammering, my mind filled with their intoxicating promises of power and release, before I collapsed against a wall, gasping for air as they laughed at my weakness. “Pathetic. Can’t even follow through when we give you the perfect opportunity.”

   I can’t tell anyone. If I confided in my father, he’d beat me and call me a jinn-possessed whore. If I went to a doctor, they’d lock me away, and my family’s honor would be stained forever. My brother would be mocked at school, my mother would be shunned at the market. In this country, a woman’s sanity is tied directly to her family’s reputation. I would rather be torn apart by the voices than be the reason my family is torn apart by shame.

   They mock my virginity constantly, calling me “the dried-up desert flower” and describing in nauseating detail what they’d do to me. “No one will ever want that frigid pussy,” they sneer. “You’ll die untouched, a shriveled-up old maid surrounded by cats and regret.” They imitate my mother’s voice, her disappointment a constant refrain. “Huda, your cousin Amira is already married with a child. What is wrong with you? Why must you be so difficult?”

   Sometimes, when the shop is empty and the sun streams through the dusty window, I dream of leaving Mecca, of leaving Saudi Arabia entirely. But the voices always crush that hope. “WHERE WOULD YOU GO, YOU STUPID CUNT? YOU HAVE NO SKILLS, NO MONEY, NO WORTH. YOU’D END UP IN SOME FOREIGN BROTHEL, SELLING YOUR BODY FOR BREAD CRUMBS. AT LEAST HERE YOU’RE ONLY A FAILURE TO YOUR FAMILY. THERE YOU’D BE A FAILURE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD.”

   I know this is the work of the Mabahit, the Saudi secret police. I’ve read the forums, seen the news reports. Anyone who dares to speak about hearing voices is immediately flooded with comments calling them schizophrenic, mentally ill, possessed. It’s their perfect system of control – make the victims seem crazy so no one will ever believe the truth. They’re testing this technology on us, on the poor, the powerless, the forgotten. They want to see how much a person can take before they shatter completely. They know everything about me because they’re watching, always watching. They’ve broken me, and there’s nothing left. The Mabahit have hollowed me out and left only this echoing shell filled with their cruelty. “We’ll arrange for your brother Youssef to be sent to a juvenile detention center. We’ll fabricate evidence of theft. He’ll be raped and beaten until he’s as broken as you are.”

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